Let's face it, activating your photo via text message is risky. Are you opening yourself up to the possibility of receiving a "Wait, who is this?" responding, or worse, receivingghostFor someone who doesn't feel.
Unlike face-to-face interactions, where peopleterrespond when you ask them out (because, you know, you're staring at them) having screens between you can make them think they have a pass to be a little less polite (or quick) in response. If you've ever felt the icy sting of text that says nothing more than "k," you know what I'm talking about. "Rejection and humiliation are such vulnerable feelings," she saysMaryanne Comaroto, PhD, psychologist and founder ofjungle queen, a foundation dedicated to healing female trauma. It takes a lot of courage to be the chaser.
But on the other hand, sending that text could be the start of something amazing (or at least fun), if the person you're texting back likes you. And this is something that might not have happened if you had never pressed submit.
In fact, these texts and their responses, despite their frightening potential, are the main indicators of whether this person is worth your attention in the first place, Comaroto adds.
The hard part is knowing how and when to send a text. But don't worry, these expert questions are here to guide you before you even start writing.
1. What is your intention in sending them a text message?
People tend to forget about caution if they're alone, Comaroto says. There's nothing wrong with that, he assures, but unless you're honest in your text about what you want (or don't want) from this person, there's a risk of misleading them if you don't get anything more than later. at night nighthug him. And, he says, consider this: when you don't feel so alone, will you still want that person around?
If the answer is no, maybe I'll reconsider the submission. "Why am I doing what I'm doing?" Comaroto suggests wondering. "Are you going to be okay with [that choice] today and still be okay tomorrow?"
If you're not so sure, Comaroto says to stop and consider your relationship goals. He writes what you want. And he sees, this doesn't have to be a long-term projection with wedding bells and two and a half children. He only considers if you will remember this moment and regret it. and if you arestillI'm not sure, please give yourself 24 hours to think about it and review it.
2. Are you trapped in a fantasy?
Maybe your mind is wandering and suddenly you're imagining traveling the world with this person, having breakfast in bed, all of that. That's cute and all, but not necessarily a reason to text someone. This can sometimes happen, Comaroto says, when you want someone to be your distraction from reality.
So check with yourself. Are you daydreaming because you are in love or because you are trying to bury other feelings with thoughts about this person? If it's the latter, Comaroto says to face whatever you're facing head-on (which, yes,obe uncomfortable). But this is how growth happens.
3. Have you been out with them recently?
Yeah? Then definitely send the text. The best way to get involved, says Ann Rosen Spector, PhD, a Philadelphia psychologist, is to mention something you talked about during the meeting. Let's say they mentioned a movie they really like and you see a trailer for the director's next movie; send them something like, "Hey, I just saw the trailer for [director name here]'s new movie. I can see why I like you." his stuff. If you're free, do you want to see him with me next Thursday?"
Or, if nothing really stood out (are you sure you want a second date?), send a thank you for a good time and suggest something the two of you can do in the future.
"Should I text him?" is not the only question you will be asked when it comes to dating. All the answers to your burning questions, here:
4. Do you want to ask them out?
All together now: send a text message! Send a text message! Send a text message!
How you ask them out is entirely up to you, says Beverly Palmer, PhD, a clinical psychologist, professor emeritus at California State University, Dominguez Hills, and author oflove demystified.
But if making a digital move is more your speed, let them know you're interested in spending time with them and want to know when they'll have some down time for a drink. When they say yes (because who wouldn't want to go out with you?), propose a place and a time and make an appointment.
If, by chance, they're not interested, it's okay to let it sting a bit...and then move on to the next one.
5. Have you texted them today?
In that case, turn off the phone.
Unless the two of you are texting a lot and spamming each other with funny tweets or memes you come across throughout the day, there's no reason to send one message after another.
Spector is fine with an occasional double text, but if you've sent multiple texts that haven't been answered, they're probably busy and haven't seen them. Either they've seen them and haven't had a chance to respond yet, or they have no intention of responding to you. Either way, this is the perfect opportunity to take a hint, Spector says, and backtrack a bit.
She's not saying you can NEVER send this person multiple messages, but a long series of text messages can feel overwhelming, especially if you're just getting to know each other. Instead, Spector says, stick to one message at a time and ease into his texting habits like you would any other party in the relationship.
If you have a really strong urge to text someone a funny meme that just popped up, send it to your mom.
6. Did they text you first?
So answering it is totally up to you.
If you've recently dated them and aren't sure how to respond, you probably don't know how you feel. So take some time and think about your answer. So if you're willing to try again, please reply, but if you think this isn't going to get that far, just tell them you're not interested.
Now if his text gave you butterflies in seventh grade, answer it baby.
Pro tip: They texted you, so you already know they're interested. From now on, don't overthink things. You don't have to wait 10, 20, or 22 minutes before responding to appear less anxious. Bring up the things that are going on in your life (recent music you just discovered, a cool speakeasy you've been meaning to visit) and let the conversation flow.
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7. Have they fantasized about you in the past?
I'd say give them the ghost back, but that's just me being petty.
Real insider tip: Try it yourself, says Spector. If their text is an explanation detailing why MIA and you feel like listening to them, you do and respond. But if you're fed up and really don't care where they've been, feel free to tell them you're not sorry anymore.
If they don't offer an explanation for the radio silence and hit you with a "Hey, it's been a while. What have you been up to?" ask them where they have been. From there, decide if the conversation is worth continuing. Yours is precious and there's no reason to waste it on a shitty SMS (or worse, a shitty person).
8. Is it the weekend or during the week?
Your weekday texts can be just as casual as your weekend texts, but let's face it, weekend texts tend to be a bit more flirty. After all, you don't have work obligations to get in the way of your plans.
Weekend text messages can lead to dates or party invitations. If that's what you want, texting Friday through Sunday is probably the best option for you.
Still, while weekend texts can lead to much-wanted time IRL, they may not always go down well, says Palmer. Some people may want you to send them casual text messages during the week to let them know you're really sorry and not just interested in a weekend hookup.
9. Are there important events happening in your life?
Contacting them to wish them luck on a great presentation they mentioned is a nice thing to do and they will probably appreciate it. Even if you've only been on a few dates, Palmer says, feel free to send a quick note. This lets them know you're thinking of them and keeps you fresh on their minds.
10. Are you texting "just because"?
Who wouldn't want to receive a message that says "I miss you" or "This song I'm listening to made me think of you?" It's true that these texts can be a bit cheesy, but even if you're not in a full relationship, it's just a nice text to send and a nice text to receive – it will make the person in your life feel special.
11. ¿Son ex?
Well, that changes things.
Since you and this person are no longer together, it's probably best to reserve texting for times when you need something specific and have a clear goal for getting it done, says Palmer.
Even if the two of you are still single and there's no risk of upsetting the new partner or yours, take a moment, enjoy the song that reminded you of them for a minute, and move on without hitting them.
You broke up because you weren't a good fit, so give them the time they need to focus on their own lives and develop new relationships. (And youdo the same.) Plus, Palmer says, if you haven't been friendly in the past, there's a chance they'll ignore your message anyway.
However, if the purpose of your text is specific, ie you need to talk to them about the dog you shared or need the number of a plumber who once helped you out of a traffic jam, go ahead and send them a text message. text. text for them. Just make it a direct message and avoid including too many jokes.
12. Is this a new relationship?
By the time it's official, Palmer says, you'll have an idea of your operating system's text messaging preferences. and they will have a good idea of yours. So if you normally send a few texts throughout the day, keep it up.
"The way couples communicate is specific to the people in the relationship," according to Palmer, "and every relationship is slightly different." Some people may want to get good morning and good night messages even on the days they are, and others may find all text messages arrogant. The safest bet is to do what feels right to you, keeping in mind what your partner would also like to receive.
And if you're not sure, ask, says Palmer. Yes, the question may seem strange, but relationships sometimes get weird. Try: "Hey, I sent you some messages today and you were slow to respond. Did you get distracted at work? Would you rather I kept my messages to the essentials?" Or: "Hey, I'd love to hear a little more from you throughout the day, just to know I'm thinking of you."
13. Have you fought recently?
Even if you've been in a relationship for a while, the best thing to do is wait until the waters between the two of you calm down. That way, you'll both be more receptive to each other's explanation of why you both felt hurt.
Then there's the matter of apologizing or approaching the argument from a distance. In those cases, a face-to-face conversation is your best bet, because you have the added bonus of body language to get your point across (not to mention, get a better read on their reaction), Spector says.
But if you're worried about the thread becoming another thread, Spector says texting is fine. He just choose your words carefully. That's the beauty of a text... you can take the time to select the perfect message.
Your post-argument text formula? First, explain what upset you, then acknowledge her part in the argument, she says. She tries something like this: "About the fight yesterday... I was hard on myself with the joke you pulled. I didn't find it funny and it hurt me. Sorry for raising my voice though."
14. Do you need to ventilate?
"There's nothing wrong with wanting to vent," says Palmer. If he's upset about something, the move is always to express how he feels, once he's had a chance to collect his thoughts. But don't expect an answer, he adds.
This is a great opportunity to gauge where you are with someone, says Palmer. Their response will tell you everything you need to know about how seriously they take their feelings. If you do respond, please take what you wrote seriously and want to work things out, great.
But if they ignore what you're saying or just ignore you, you probably don't need to spend any more time texting them.
15. Do you want to know if this relationship is getting better?
There's nothing wrong with telling someone how you feel over text and expressing that you see the connection turning into something more, like aexclusive relationshipsays Palmer. If your crush feels the same way, he'll send you a text to tell you so.
However, as soon as you say "I really like you", the ball is in their court. That means being prepared to hear something you're not going to like.
Aryelle Siclait is editor at Women's Health, where she writes and edits articles on relationships, sexual health, pop culture and fashion for verticals from around the world.WomensHealthMag.comand the print magazine. He graduated from Boston College and lives in New York.
What day of the week is best to text someone? ›
Thursdays are popular dates to send text messages with strong response rates and Fridays between 2 p.m. - 5 p.m. have shown great success for retailers.What do you say when texting a new friend? ›
- “Hey, [Mutual Friend], What Do You Think?” ...
- “I'm Always Awkward Over Text” ...
- “So You're Into XYZ — What's That Like?” ...
- “I'm Super Excited To Do XYZ This Weekend — What About You?” ...
- “So How Did You Meet XYZ? ...
- “Do You Want To Play/Watch/Do XYZ?”
If someone waits a day or a week to text back, that text back rate indicates an absence of interest." As you get to know someone better and get more adjusted to their texting style, you may start to understand why they take long, but in the beginning it may feel like they don't want to talk to you — which may not be ...Why do people take weeks to reply? ›
Sometimes people don't respond as a way of deliberately signaling they're annoyed, or that they don't want to continue a relationship. Turkle says sometimes taking a long time to write back is a way of establishing dominance in a relationship, by making yourself look simply too busy and important to reply.Should I double text a week later? ›
A study from the dating app Hinge shows that double-texting can increase a date's likelihood to respond. The key is to wait four hours before the second text. Sending a second text even a week later increased the likelihood of a response.Should I text him if its been a week? ›
Give it a few days (or even a week).
Just because a guy hasn't reached out yet doesn't mean he's not interested – he still could be! It might feel tough waiting for him to text you, but your crush might truly be busy and unable to respond to your messages right away.
- Follow up soon after getting someone's number. ...
- Remember basic texting etiquette. ...
- Ask meaningful questions. ...
- Give meaningful answers. ...
- Use engaging conversation starters. ...
- Remember that people have different preferences. ...
- Remember that you both need to make an effort.
- Keep it short and sweet. As a general rule, the simpler the message, the better. ...
- Stay positive. Flirting, by nature, is meant to be cheerful and lighthearted — it should make you both feel like you're in high school again. ...
- Be complimentary.
- Ask a playful question.
- Point Out A Shared Interest. ...
- Ask Open-Ended Questions. ...
- Get Their Opinion. ...
- Send A Meme. ...
- Talk About Pets. ...
- Ask What They're Looking For On The App. ...
- Give A Simple Introduction. ...
- Get Flirty.
Context of the message
“Whether the text is from close friends or not, or if they say something that you don't know how to answer or you don't really know how to continue the conversation, then you'll probably take a longer time to reply,” he said.
Why do guys wait days to text back? ›
Key Takeaways. If a guy does not text you back immediately, there might be valid reasons like preoccupation with work, wanting some space, or being just not into you. When he does not text you back, do not bombard him with texts. Focus on yourself and go out and enjoy yourself with your friends.Is it rude to take days to reply to a text? ›
Time-sensitive messages should be answered as soon as possible, while you have more time for nonurgent ones. But not that long. Gottsman, speaking "from a polite factor" believes you should respond within a day.What is dry texting? ›
Dry texting is what happens when someone sends you short replies that don't move the conversation forward. It usually consists of one-word answers like the dreaded 'K,' says dating coach Alexis Germany.How do guys text when they like you? ›
In conclusion, if he likes you, he will text you. How guys text you when they like you varies, but some are consistent. For example, a guy will ask many questions about you, text first, compliment you, send emojis, make you laugh, find reasons to talk to you, and give hints for a date.Does not texting a guy back make him want you more? ›
Spacing out conversations instead of texting all the time can build attraction, especially when first meeting someone. Sending more than 1 followup will not only make you seem desperate, but could also annoy the other person if they don't want to talk.Is double texting needy? ›
The simple definition of double texting is this: You send two or more text messages to someone before they send you a response. The general idea is that someone who can't wait long enough for a response (and thus texts again) is clingy, needy, and lacking the social decency needed to give someone time to respond.Is double texting a red flag? ›
Double-texting, or messaging two times before someone responds, is viewed as taboo in modern dating. While double-texting can feel bad, therapists say there is no rule for how much you should text. If you feel bad about double-texting, put your phone down and let the other person reply at their own pace.Should I wait a day before texting again? ›
Wait 4 hours before texting again if they don't respond.
Studies have shown that after 4 hours, you're more likely to get a response if you text again. That gives you enough time to restart the conversation and makes you sound less clingy.
It depends on how often you see them and how intense it is.
If you're seeing your date every other day or so, you might be comfortable committing in a week! Alternatively, it might take a few months if you only occasionally hang.
Should the guy text me first every time? No, you should try to reach out first about 50% of the time. There's no need to wait by the phone and hope that the guy you're dating reaches out. Everything in your relationship should be equal, and that includes texting.
How often should you text a new friend? ›
There's no “normal” amount to text your friends. A lot of people text their closest friends every day. You might text other friends a few times a month. It's really up to you.How do you tell if he just wants to be friends? ›
- He Invites Other People to Hang Out with You Guys.
- His Emails Are Friendly, But to-the-Point.
- He Never Texts You First.
- He'll Ask You For Advice on Girls.
- He'll Ask to Hang Out Day-of.
- Ask for information. A good way to start a conversation is to ask for information from the person you want to talk to. ...
- Pay a compliment. ...
- Comment on something pleasant. ...
- Introduce yourself. ...
- Offer help … or ask for help. ...
- Mention a shared experience. ...
- Ask an opinion. ...
- Show genuine interest.
- Y/N: Thinking about me?
- Feeling cuddly? ...
- Still wearing your sweatshirt…
- Netflix? ...
- Can't stop thinking about your lips.
- How much skin is too much skin to show on our date tonight?
- You're my favorite veggie—a cute-cumber!
- Thinking a lot of things about you I can't say…but I could text.
- Include flirty emojis in texts or social media posts.
- Make eye contact and linger for a moment when you see her.
- Compliment her—over text and in-person.
- Ask her open-ended questions to show you're interested.
- Listen to her to make a real connection.
- Ask an open-ended question.
- Tell her you're looking for a recommendation.
- Talk about her interests.
- Send her a cute GIF, photo, or meme.
- Say something timely and relevant.
- Start up a texting game.
- Give her a compliment.
- Use emojis.
- 1 Get the ball rolling with cute emojis.
- 2 Say something silly to break the ice.
- 3 Lead with something playful and flirty.
- 4 Bring up something you noticed about them.
- 5 Reference your first conversation.
Start with a greeting – just like you would when you introduce yourself in person, say 'Hello'. Or, more specifically, say 'Hi' to reduce character count! Explain who you are – include your name and business. You can do this via a signature at the end of your text or weave it into the content at the beginning.Is texting every day needy? ›
For instance, texting non-stop could indicate that one partner is clingy and needy and feeling insecure in the relationship. While this is usually only harmful to the person doing the excessive texting, it can be smothering to the person on the receiving end.
If your dude has slowed down his responses to your texts or if he's not returning your calls, there's a good chance that he's being a wuss and slowly making an exit. "The guy may start to communicate less, so no more good morning text messages, shortened responses and fewer details about his life," explains Ritter.
Is it better to respond fast or slow? ›
People feel more connected to those who respond quickly to them during conversation, according to research published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. The findings revealed that even third-party listeners felt that conversations with faster response times signaled stronger social connection.Do guys like texting back fast? ›
Quick responses generally mean he likes you.
If he responds to your messages quickly all the time, it's a great sign he's interested. Try this: Ask him: “What're you up to?” and check both how fast he replies and what he says.
Popularized by the romcom, the three-day dating rule insists that a person wait three full days before contacting a potential suitor. A first-day text or call is too eager, a second-day contact seems planned, but three days is, somehow, the perfect amount of time.How to make him miss you? ›
- Deliberately leave things behind. ...
- Give him some personal space. ...
- Make him wait before replying his texts. ...
- Take things slow. ...
- Wear a unique perfume. ...
- Add some mystery to your experiences together. ...
- Have adventures with him (and your friends)
Don't text too early or late
To avoid waking someone up, don't text too early or late. “The rule is 7am to 9pm, but if you know the person well, you can probably push that range out a little bit,” says Post Senning.
Give them the benefit of the doubt, both experts agree. If you wait seven days, without sending a double text, and your inbox is still at zero, you should take that as a sign too. No response is a response, Fields says.How do you deal with late replies? ›
Try something like this: Thank you so much for your thoughtful note last month! Also, my apologies for the slow reply; transitioning into this new role has been a little overwhelming, but I'm excited.Why do people start dry texting? ›
“Dry texters may suffer from social anxiety and have a difficult time communicating their thoughts and feelings via written word,” says psychotherapist Anita Astley, LMFT, author of the forthcoming book Unf*ck Your Life and Relationships.What is cold texting? ›
Cold texting is reaching out via SMS to a contact without their prior consent or permission. It's similar to cold calling and cold emailing. Some examples that would lead to cold texting include: Purchasing a contact list from a third party. Finding customers' phone information online.How do you become a wet Texter? ›
- Reply as soon as you can. ...
- Avoid using one-word replies. ...
- Know the purpose of your reply. ...
- Make texting fun with GIFs and emojis. ...
- Make your crush smile with memes. ...
- Don't be afraid to ask questions. ...
- Show your sense of humor. ...
- Go ahead and flirt a little.
What do guys do if they like you? ›
- He leans toward you during conversation. ...
- He angles his body toward you in the room. ...
- He finds small ways to compliment you. ...
- He makes eye contact. ...
- He steals a glance at you. ...
- He singles you out in a group. ...
- He seems drawn to you in the room.
XOX, or XOXO, means hugs and kisses, with the x representing kisses and the o representing hugs. It's usually used as a lighthearted way of expressing affection, sincerity, or deep friendship. Related words: cross mark emoji.How do you tell if someone is interested in you? ›
- They lean in.
- They tilt their head as you speak (a sign of engagement).
- They smile at you.
- They make eye contact with you.
- They reach out and touch your arm, hand, back, or leg.
Some guys are more talkative than others. Still, a few text messages a day are proof that he likes you. You should look for three to five messages a day, unless you strike up a conversation, then look for more. The most important thing to look out for is whether or not it seems like you're on his mind.Will ignoring him get his attention? ›
Ignoring a guy is one of the surefire ways to get his attention, as he would at most times try to win your attention back. However, ignoring alone doesn't put you at the forefront of his thoughts and make you desirable.What is the proper time to text someone? ›
Don't text too early or late
To avoid waking someone up, don't text too early or late. “The rule is 7am to 9pm, but if you know the person well, you can probably push that range out a little bit,” says Post Senning.
Typically about 1/3 of patients reply to text messages, however there are some better and worse times for texting. The best time of day to send a text and receive a reply is between 3-4pm (39% of people reply). The worst time to send a text and expect a reply is 2-3pm.What time of the day do people text the most? ›
Other telecoms research has detailed that mobile phones are used most between noon and 6pm. As a general suggestion late morning through to mid-afternoon tends to be the most beneficial time to send your text campaign.Should I text someone in the morning or night? ›
"As a general rule, you shouldn't text somebody after 9 p.m. It may be seen as an intrusion of privacy, or they may feel you're inserting a sense of urgency that doesn't need to be there. As for the morning, if school hasn't started and you wouldn't expect the person to be at work, it's best to wait.What time of day is best to text a guy? ›
Text at normal hours
It's best to text in the afternoon or evening and not early in the morning or late at night, Ansari and Klinenberg say. Otherwise, you run the risk of waking the person up.
How long is too long to wait for a text? ›
A week gives the person enough time to thoughtfully respond.
Even though it's a little old-fashioned, some people will wait 3 days after a date to text you back to make you miss them more. Waiting any longer than a week could be a sign they're not interested, and it might be best to let the conversation die out.
No, you should try to reach out first about 50% of the time. There's no need to wait by the phone and hope that the guy you're dating reaches out. Everything in your relationship should be equal, and that includes texting. Try to be the first one to text him about half of the time.How long should you text before talking? ›
According to dating expert and licensed marriage and family therapist Anita Chlipala, you and a potential date should probably text for “two to three days, enough to establish safety but not enough time to know important things about them via text instead of in person.” She adds, “You want to meet in person as quickly ...Should I wait a day to text? ›
Time-sensitive messages should be answered as soon as possible, while you have more time for nonurgent ones. But not that long. Gottsman, speaking "from a polite factor" believes you should respond within a day.Is it normal to not text all day? ›
Absolutely nothing is “normal.” Some couples text a million times a day, while others save it for pillow talk. Sometimes, on super busy workdays, there might be no communication at all. And that's totally fine.Should a guy text you every morning? ›
Guys send good morning texts when they like you.
Great news: if you're getting good morning texts almost every day, it probably means the guy you're texting is into you! Typically, guys won't send good morning texts to someone unless they really like them.
Sending good morning texts every day to your partner is not a problem, as long as it is done right. Everyone wants to feel loved, and sending good morning texts is a way to show that. However, there has to be a limit to how you send them before they become predictable.