Should I write to him? 7 rules for when to text and when to wait (2023)

Writing for guys can be very confusing. You don't always know what to write to him. But before you even send that message - STOP - and ask yourselfShould I write to him?

Should I write to him? 7 rules for when to text and when to wait (1)

There are definitely times in dating when you should hold back and NOT send that text and today I want to show you that:When to text him and when not...

  • if you date
  • When you are "on hold".
  • In case you haven't already known...
  • If you are starting a relationship...
  • If you have no idea how he feels about you...
  • If you are already in a serious relationship...

No matter how you met him — Tinder, a party, or the local Starbucks — you can save yourself a lot of time and effort if you understand the rules about texting and when to text.

Remember that the lyrics do not contain tone or body language. And you can scare a guy with a text just as easily as you could scare him by asking, "So where is this going?" on the first date.

DID YOU KNOW: Women over 60 send more text messages in the US... (?)

There are two main situations where you might be wondering whether to text him:

  1. He texted you and you're wondering if you should reply...
  2. You think about texting him out of the blue...

You might want to remind him that you've been waiting for him to start this show. You might also be a little hesitant that he freaks out when he sees a message from him.

You don't want to sound desperate - which I completely understand.

And there are many texts you might want to send him:

  • weekend lyrics
  • accompanying text
  • text of the week
  • An ongoing conversation – or a standalone text for him
  • Morning talk or night text

There are many different situations.

And you must ask yourself:

  • Did he text you first?
  • Have you written to him today?

Between others...

I'm going to give you some texting rules and tips that will help you make the best decision about sending this message. Or not!

Should I write to him? 7 rules to remember...

Rule 1: Are you sober? No messages after drinking!

I have to make this a rule of thumb because it isTheneasy to text drunk. Heck, even if you're texting while just humming, chances are you'll make a mistake and things can goveryincorrect. Like everything else in life - every conversation can be ruined with alcohol.

If you've had more than ONE drink, do yourself and him a favor and put down your wine glass and put your phone down.

Don't write drunk!

Should I write to him? 7 rules for when to text and when to wait (2)

I mean, I hope you're right about this drink.with him, honest. But if you're not and you're itching to text himdon't do that. You come from a place of fear and it will show in your lyrics.

one youI don't wantis texting him something you might regret in a time of "lowered inhibitions."

ask yourself -If I was completely sober, would I send this?

The problem is, if you were completely sober, you wouldn't be in this situation. And after a few drinks you stop asking yourself the really necessary questions.

And if you want to send that text message after your mind is clear, you certainly can. Who knows, maybe you've found some courage in your drunken state - something thattutmust be said -later.

But before you make that decision - BEFORE you take that Zinfandel - hang up the phone.

Rule 2: Who are you in this guy's life?

Guys usually fall into one of 3 lanes:

  • You never talked or dated this guy...
  • you met himonce...
  • You know each other at least a little...

Take a minute to think about what it would be like for him to get a text from you out of the blue.

(Video) STOP WAITING For His Text & DO THIS Instead... | Matthew Hussey

  1. Will he immediately know who you are? Or will he just see your messages and have no idea and be confused?
  2. If you've never done this beforespokenfor him it will be strange. And that's not how you want to start this novel...
  3. If somet him at least once, And youknowledgehe has your name and number on his phone so you can probably text him...

If you've texted him before, it really depends on the situation. And we will cover this idea more here in this article...

Rule 3: Did he text you first?

There are a few situations where you might first receive a message from him and wonder if you should reply:

  1. ask yourselfif this is a guy you're really interested inIf he's not your guy or guy - or your gut says he isn't - then just don't respond. If you send a message back, you can open a can of worms. He might not take the hint, and instead of telling him to go away, you try to be nice. And that's not fun.
  2. ask yourselfwhen is this guy available. Sometimes you get a text message from a man you know who is in a relationship or maybe even married. Is this something you would like to be involved in? Again, your gut should be able to tell you which situations to avoid.
  3. Do you feel an overt sense of excitement with no reason to hold back? Again, notice how quickly you feel the urge to text him. Often this impulsiveness causes you to write too fast. You also don't want to appear desperate to him.

Should I write to him? 7 rules for when to text and when to wait (4)

Keep in mind that men are usually VERY conservative when texting. So if a woman texts him with her:

  • Long narrative texts...
  • Tons of emojis in your texts...
  • Very quick text responses...

He finds this type of text message weird. And it's one of the ways women accidentally dominate a man. She writes to him as if she were writing to one of his friends.

Which brings me to the next texting rule:

Rule 4: UNDER Reply to Your Messages

You'll be tempted to text a guy — especially if he looks like he's ready for a good, long, flirty texting session.

Don't be fooled!

In the beginning of a relationship, men lack self-control when it comes to flirting and playing the "charming suitor" for you. You might mistake all his texts for interest in you and a possible relationship (some of them are).

The BIGGEST reason he texts you so many after meeting you is because he wants to "talk" to you - without risking rejection or embarrassment. It's hard for him to "mess up" texting, so he texts you a lot more often than he ever would in a relationship.

Which sets you up for a huge disappointment when the texting dwindles after the relationship starts.

In fact, many of the things that women see as worrying signs that he's pulling away are actually men settling down in a relationship!

If you let these false signals fool you, you'll panic and possibly shut it down when things are really going well.

Rule 5: Does he text you back?

If it's tennis, does he return your "serve"?

Another sign a woman can look for when she's wondering whether or not to text him isyour reaction pattern.

  • does he text you back?
  • Does he write as much as you? (in size)
  • Does he write at the same speed?

Should I write to him? 7 rules for when to text and when to wait (5)

If you've ever texted a guy and, say, he "disappears" and no longer responds, you would expect him to respond to you at some point. (Maybe something happened - like his phone broke or he got a call.)

But if he no longer responds to your texts on a regular basis, he might say that he's not the guy who texts you. Men don't write as much as women.

“…women use the phone an average of 818 minutes per month, compared to 640 minutes per month for men.

Men also often text the women they are with or are starting a relationship with. He could write to his family on the side, but that's about it.

FACT: Guys DO NOT often text their guy friends — to chat or not.

We only write to review plans or ask for a quick opinion. That is all.

So if you text him and he replies like you're playing tennis, that's a reasonable pattern that will happen in the beginning. You're both excited about the possibilities and that means you'll be texting more often.

But he will probably slow down your texting after a while.

Well, some people don't text much at first either. Some guys just don't find it engaging or funny - and are probably still worried about what he SHOULD send you. So don't be surprised if your SMS pattern looks more like burnt. (You fire him a text message and he just runs away...)

Sometimes it's better to just ask him if he's an active texting guy. If you get a lot of one-word responses, the guy obviously doesn't like texting.

And make sure you find out what HIS definition of texting too much REALLY means. He might think 2 messages a day is frequent! Everything is relative.

Rule 6: Don't text him too much

If you are a pretty active copywriter, you might text your girlfriends quite often. And every time you pick up your phone to send or reply to a text message, you'll see others on your active friends list.

(Video) 7 Texting Rules Every Guy Should Know - THIS is How a Girl Wants You To TEXT HER

Should I write to him? 7 rules for when to text and when to wait (6)

What this will do is makeOfthink about texting him MORE than he will think about texting you. You will be constantly reminded what your current "text status" is by your friends and your phone attention.

  • Are you up to date with all your friends?
  • Who else have you missed talking to?
  • Did you miss a treat a friend just sent you?
  • Wait - did you see a text message from him today?!

It makes more sense to get to know your texting status and frequency better if you're constantly taking your phone out of your purse or back pocket.

Dating tip - A question you MUST ask yourself is:Have I written to him today?

And the next question is: If IterI texted him today, did I text him first?

If you haven't texted him today, you can probably text him "check in". This is light text that says:

"Hey, I just wanted to know how your day was..."

Don't think too much about this text - send this textExactlyhow do you see it

And if he doesn't answerDO NOT SEND TRACKINGto "see if he got the first one." You are guaranteed to go from “nice girl” to “needy woman” in a split second.

That's all you need to submit in the next few days.

Usually you should -

Avoid being the first to text in the first few weeks of your relationship.

Why? Because you need to see if this guy has the bricks to show your interest - and act on it. If not, he's not the man you want. Men these days are being dismissed for their part in the beginning of the novel. Mainly because of many mixed messages in the media.

Ignore the noise!

Dating tip: stop chasing guys.It never goes well for either of you.

If you are in a relationship, write whenever you want. But I still wouldn't recommend it highly or you risk feeling that wayLEAVESfor him.

You want men to always miss you a little bit. It's hard when you're DA all the time, isn't it?

Rule 7: Something in your "mood" - what's in your message?

Some women can intuitively sense when a guy isn't into them. You can smell it in the words of their lyrics or in their behavior.

Just make sure your "gut feeling" isn't really "pessimism" in disguise. Sometimes we get so conditioned by bad outcomes that we assume any pattern of silence while texting means it's gone.

Should I write to him? 7 rules for when to text and when to wait (8)

So you have to assume this guy is just a shy fool for the first few days. And if he doesn't ask you out - or make contact - after the first week, mentally toss him in the trash.

You put your hopes on him because:

  1. If he's into you, he'll come back...
  2. If he is "busy with something", he will come back...
  3. If you move on and he comes to you, you're the one who seems wonderfully patient and confident now...

In short, if you let go of these "almost romances" faster, you'll avoid a lot of that dreaded feeling of despair and panic when a man's communication skills don't match yours.

So when you get that "vibe" that this guy is becoming an asshole, throw him back in the pond. The faster you do this, the faster you'll cultivate the calmer woman demeanor that you are.nodesperate or clingy.

SMS BONUS RULE: Should I text him first?

Look, if you just met this guy, DON'T.

Because if you really look at your motivation for wanting to text him first, everything is wrong.

The likely reason you want to text him first is because you think he's going to get over you or run away from you. If you broke up, you only care about him moving on.

Don't text a guy first. You're just showing him that you'll be in hot pursuit.

Dating tip: "Should I text a guy if we take a break from a relationship?"

When your relationship is on hiatus or you broke up, you need to be very careful when texting him. Mainly because you don't want to have any contact with him for a while after the breakup. If you do, you risknogive it a second chance.

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If he was the one who initiated the "break" in the novel, then you should definitely respect that "no text zone" for a while.

The problem with this "take a break" zone is that it never really is a break. Usually, it's one person in the relationship who just can't stand to say, "Look, it's over."

Should I write to him? 7 rules for when to text and when to wait (9)

I need to know, I've done this a few times. It was always easier than hurting the other person.

Until it wasn't.

Guys tend to do that "let's take a break" thing because it's only 10% less annoying than breaking up over a text message. Guys are weak when it comes to getting a clean cut because we get crushed when we have to make a woman unhappy.

That's why it says "take a break" instead of "fim."

So my short answer is this: don't text a guy you're on a break from or breaking up with. The more he thinks you've moved on, the more likely it is that you'll hear from him again.

The more times you "just check in" with him, the more likely he is to simply ignore your messages and block you completely.

What's really the best answer to the question, "So, should I text him — or wait?"

When you have a question about texting him or waiting, the answer is almost always "wait".


  • if you waitto send a text message - and he replies, you win! He'll like you better because you didn't screw up the "I miss you."
  • if you waitto text him back, you'll feel like the prize - and KNOW he's interested...
  • if you waitit's himnotext you - he would never do that - even if you texted him.
  • when you text himand he cheers and returns the text message, he was already getting ready to text you. You just passed in front of him...
  • when you text him- you screw up the "is she into me?" Fantasies he had by shortening them and removing the challenge...
    • When you text himYou'll probably ruin your chances by starting to chase him...

You can check my logic here - it's flawless.

  • Waiting is always better...
  • You ALWAYS do better when you establish your value early on, not being so readily available that he knows you are available to him...
  • You better wait because he won't get away with doing his part in the hunt...

How about sending a text message to your ex?

Now let's get into this very special situation - what if you were to break up and be silent and patient for a while.

OR - maybe you "took time off" - or "time off..."

And now?

Should you text your ex boyfriend first or should you wait for him to text you?

Should I write to him? 7 rules for when to text and when to wait (11)

This is a different situation and it really requires you to know more about where your ex's head is at. Before you write to him, I suggest you gather some information about what's going on with him.

If you have mutual friends, you should talk to them directly to see what's going on with him. After all, you don't want to try to reach out to him when he's in another relationship that he's happy with. But you might have an opportunity if he's single and talking about you, right?

Whether you talk to his friends or not, you can always do a little Facebook stalking to find out what's going on. Check out the activity on his page and see what he's up to. If he's traveling the world, he might not be willing to meet you at Starbucks. But if he sticks with his streaming shows, you might have a chance.

But how about a message for your ex-boyfriend?

The best way to write to someone you haven't been in touch with in a while is to be very brief. Send something that's just a friendly check-in and watch how quickly it responds — and how much it responds.

Send him a text message like, "Hey Jim - I was watching a show last night that reminded me of you..."

OR: "Hey, I was going to eat at (a restaurant you took him to) - did you know they were closed?"

You don't want to mention the show because that will tickle his curiosity a little more. And that gives him an excuse to respond - even if it's just to ask, "What show?"

SMS-Dating-Tipp:keep herLichtEkurz, comwithout emotional weightinside. You want there to be as little friction as possible for him to react. If he feels the weight of his emotions in the message, it can make him very suspicious if he responds to it.

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Nosay things like:

  • I wish we were together
  • I miss you...
  • My heart hurts...
  • Will you give me one more chance...?
  • How are you...?
  • Do you miss me...?

If it looks like you're a dump full of heartbreak, you're going to freak him out.

Once you text him, use your gut to tell him how best to interpret his response.

But don't get too caught up in the roleplaying game here either. MAYBE show your answer to a friend for feedback, but don't read this. Take it at face value.

If he's interested in seeing you or talking to you again, he'll suggest it. You honestly don't want to try to rekindle a romance with a guy who doesn't have the energy or courage to order you a coffee or call you.

What should you write for him?

Things get more complicated when you're wondering what to send a guy - depending on the situation.

Should I write to him? 7 rules for when to text and when to wait (13)

If you just argue:

  • Save your emotional communication to be personal, unless you feel you were clearly at fault and want to apologize...
  • First, give him time to recover from the intensity of the fight. Guys are very affected by arguments (contrary to what you might think), so it will take some time for him to calm down and come to his senses.
  • Don't text him if you're still too emotional. Texting is the worst way to communicate when it comes to important moments in your relationship. You run the risk of being misunderstood.

But most important of all the dating tips I have for you when it comes to texting is that you need to know exactly WHY you are texting this guy.

And if I sayBECAUSE- I mean, what's your motivation for looking for him?

Ignore the superficial excuses you can tell your friends like:

  • I just want to know how he is...
  • I would like to know about him...
  • I don't want him to forget me...
  • I just want to make sure he's okay...

We often create these "wrong" reasons to justify our behavior because we are trying to rationalize our panicky feelings.

We have to admit, this is the most likely reason why you want to text himYou worry about your connection to him, and you probably worry about losing him.

- if you are not already separated or disconnected.

If you admit this, you can work on calming your emotional state and really looking at the situation with clarity.

Should I write to him? 7 rules for when to text and when to wait (14)

If this guy is someone new you want to take a chance with, or a guy you dated and grew apart from, or if he's an ex-boyfriend you want to get back together, it matters a lot less.Erayou write to him and more about what you areNOsend him a message.

In other words, men will almost NEVER lose interest in you because you haven't texted them.

He is much more likely to lose interest because you texted himtoo much.

What to do if he doesn't answer?

This is the one scenario that probably causes women the most trouble when it comes to understanding whether you should text him. And it really does require you to see what led to your "radio silence".

A normal, interested man will write to you as he sees fit. And it won't always be like thisyourneed schedule.

This is definitely a situation where you need to be ready.don't lose controlor let anxious feelings overwhelm you. He's still around, and more often than not, you'll find he's just dabbled in "other stuff."

If you want more details, I'll tell you a lot more about how to deal with this situation.In this article...

As you can see, a successful relationship with a man depends on how well you understand his behavior.

In fact, 99% of dating and creating your dream relationship is simply understanding men!

If you want to learn more about how men work to finally find the man you want to commit to,Read this article now...

Should I write to him? 7 rules for when to text and when to wait (15)


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Should I text him or wait for him to text me? ›

Give it a few days (or even a week).

It might feel tough waiting for him to text you, but your crush might truly be busy and unable to respond to your messages right away. Waiting 2–3 days or up to a week before reaching out gives him a chance to text you first once he realizes what he's missing.

How long is too long to wait for a guy to text you? ›

A week gives the person enough time to thoughtfully respond.

Even though it's a little old-fashioned, some people will wait 3 days after a date to text you back to make you miss them more. Waiting any longer than a week could be a sign they're not interested, and it might be best to let the conversation die out.

How often should you text a guy to keep him interested? ›

It varies, but 1 to 3 texts per day is common. There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to texting your partner—you might text each other every day, or you might only check in a few times per week.

What is a reasonable response time for text? ›

Time-sensitive messages should be answered as soon as possible, while you have more time for nonurgent ones. But not that long. Gottsman, speaking "from a polite factor" believes you should respond within a day.

What he thinks when you don t text him? ›

1 He thinks you're busy. 2 He's trying to brush it off. 3 He might think you're playing “hard to get.” 4 He's worried you're ignoring him because you're upset.

How long is too long not to text someone? ›

Reply within 30–60 minutes to play it a little cool. While it's okay to reply later if you're actually busy, purposefully waiting to text somebody might feel disrespectful if you're available. If you had to make the person wait for more than an hour, offer them an apology and explain what kept you from messaging them.

How to make him miss you? ›

10 proven ways to make a guy miss you
  1. Deliberately leave things behind. ...
  2. Give him some personal space. ...
  3. Make him wait before replying his texts. ...
  4. Take things slow. ...
  5. Wear a unique perfume. ...
  6. Add some mystery to your experiences together. ...
  7. Have adventures with him (and your friends)
Jan 18, 2018

Does a guy like you if he texts you everyday? ›

How guys text when they like you can vary, (and dating tips for texting will vary depending who you ask), but texting every day is a sure sign that you are on the same page. If a guy texts you every day, even if you're the one initiating conversation, he is definitely interested. Remember to take hints as well.

How do I get him to text me more often? ›

How to Make a Guy Text You Everyday
  1. Ask him about his day.
  2. Pose a few fun, open-ended questions.
  3. Bring up your common interests.
  4. Flatter him with a compliment.
  5. Be a little mysterious.
  6. Send him a few pics.
  7. Make plans to meet up in person.
  8. Have a reason for texting him.
Feb 4, 2022

What is dry texting? ›

The term “dry texting” has come to mean any texting interchange where one of the participants is using only very brief, one- or two-word responses to keep the conversation going.

Do guys like fast replies? ›

Out of 132 people who participated, 89% (118 people) voted that texting back quickly is a TURN-ON and 11% (14 people) voted TURN-OFF. One voter let me know she tapped “off” by accident so these results are slightly skewed, but still—the results are clearly in favor of texting back fast being a turn on.

Should I text again if no reply? ›

Give them the benefit of the doubt, both experts agree. If you wait seven days, without sending a double text, and your inbox is still at zero, you should take that as a sign too. No response is a response, Fields says.

Is it disrespectful to not respond to a text? ›

Ignoring messages is frowned upon in these always-on times. At its most egregious, dropping out of communication is condemned as “ghosting,” which, in the years since the term became widespread, has become a deadly sin of digital communications.

What texts do guys like to receive? ›

The 5 texts guys love to receive:
  • The Ball Is In Your Court Text. “Last night was fun. ...
  • The Give Me Advice Text. “I need new headphones, do you have any suggestions?”
  • The Short and Sweet Text. “I work till 6. ...
  • The Pick the Place Text. “Do you want to meet at Smitty's at 6 tomorrow for Happy Hour?” ...
  • The Sexy Text.
Jun 14, 2018

How do I keep him interested? ›

Keeping your relationship interesting can help you keep the spark alive and process any issues.
  1. Go on regular dates. ...
  2. Spend time by yourself. ...
  3. Go back to where you had your first date. ...
  4. Focus on communication. ...
  5. Laugh together. ...
  6. Get away together. ...
  7. Try to understand each other. ...
  8. Listen to Them.

What to do when he is not messaging you? ›

What To Do When He Doesn't Text You Back
  1. Don't Stress Out. Don't jump to conclusions if your man doesn't text you back immediately. ...
  2. Call Him. Save. ...
  3. Check On Him. ...
  4. Give Him Time. ...
  5. Remember It's Not The End Of The World.
Dec 13, 2022

Can a guy like you and not text that much? ›

Can he? Yes, very much so. He could be scared of texting you too much and coming across as desperate. So he may not be texting you because he does not want to come across that way.

Should I stop texting him to make him miss me? ›

The best way to make a guy miss you is to pull away. Refrain from texting or calling him for the smallest things. If you reach out to him constantly, he does not have any chance to miss you. Instead, give your special person a reason and some time to miss you.

How do you give someone space without losing them? ›

Here's how to give someone space without losing them:
  1. Ask how much time they need. ...
  2. Find out what “space” looks like. ...
  3. Don't ask for an explanation. ...
  4. Thank them for communicating their needs. ...
  5. Honor their request. ...
  6. Encourage them to do their favorite things. ...
  7. Avoid constant texting. ...
  8. Do your own thing.
Jun 23, 2022

How do you make him miss you without talking? ›

When you're not talking to him, carry on with your day. Go to class or work, spend some time doing hobbies, or watch TV. Do something to keep you from checking your phone, which will make you less likely to respond if he has texted or called you.

Should I text him first or wait until he texts me? ›

If the two of you have been talking already and you're thinking about initiating a new conversation, then you're in the clear to send him a quick hello. If he's been contacting you already, then he obviously enjoys talking to you. In this situation, you should be perfectly fine to send him the first text this time.

Should I text him if he hasn't texted me? ›

If you haven't already initiated contact with him, then go ahead and send a brief text. He may be sitting there waiting for you to text, just the way you're sitting and waiting for him to text. Send a quick “Hello” text, and keep it light and non-confrontational.

Should I wait for him to text me back? ›

Be Patient and Give Him at Most a Week to Respond

It can be disheartening to spend hours waiting on a text that doesn't come but it's important to remain positive about it. Chances are either he is busy or maybe holding back for a few days to not seem “desperate”.


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