Should I write to him? 13 Rules for When to Text and When to Wait (2023)

Should I write to him? 13 Rules for When to Text and When to Wait (1)

Today SMS is a big part of our culture. That includes writing to boys. You are probably in a situation where there is a guy and you are wondering if you should text him.

Maybe it's a friend, maybe someone important, or maybe someone you just met. But you are wondering whether you should text him or reply to one of his text messages that he sent you.

Read through the situations listed and described below to see if any of them apply to you and what you are dealing with. These scenarios might help you determine whether or not you should message this guy.

should you text him

are you sober

You've had a few drinks and now you're feeling brave and very aware of your feelings. Or at least you think you are. All you know is that you're really thinking about that boy right now.

Sometimes when someone is under the influence of alcohol, they might be in a state where they want to text that guy. But if that person were completely sober, I would never dream of texting them.

If you've actually been drinking and are thinking about texting him, then you should think again. Do you really want to get close to him when your mind isn't clear?

You might end up saying something embarrassing that you might regret once the alcohol has left your body. It's best to wait until you have a clearer head.

Sure, maybe the alcohol made you realize how you feel about this guy or inspired you to say something naughty to him. But hold onto these thoughts until your mind clears. If you still feel compelled to write those thoughts later, go ahead.

Have you ever spoken to him?

If the answer to this question is no, then you shouldn't text him. Even if you got your number from a mutual friend or acquaintance, it's a little strange texting people you've never met before.

Think about how you would feel if a guy you've never spoken to texted you out of the blue. Chances are, you won't appreciate the gesture. If you really want to get to know this guy, try talking to him in person first.

Remember, first impressions really count, so be careful how you address them.

Did he text you first?

If he texted you first, then surely you have an excuse to reply to him as a reason to text him. This certainly gives you the opportunity to text him without having to make the first move.

There are few reasons why you wouldn't text him. If he's not interested, you shouldn't feel obligated to text him.

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You may also be reluctant to text him if you feel he is not the right person for you. He might even be in a relationship, but he texts you anyway.

Whatever is holding you back, if something doesn't feel right then you have to follow your gut. Don't text this guy if your gut tells you it's a bad idea.

If he's trying to be persistent with you and doesn't get the cue, maybe you can just text him that you're not interested.

He is reciprocal?

When you speak to him, does he return it and make an effort to engage in conversation? This doesn't necessarily mean he'll just answer your questions, because that would mean he'll do the bare minimum when it comes to contacting you.

If you make an effort to talk to him, is this guy making the same effort with you? Does he sometimes ask you how your day is going and does he seem to care about what's going on in your life? That's what reciprocity is about.

If this guy just politely answers your questions and says "Hi," that's not a real friendship or relationship. He may be too shy, but it will seem like he doesn't make an effort to communicate with you.

Or maybe he doesn't even do that and ignores most of your attempts to talk to him. When he behaves like that, he doesn't reciprocate at all.

Either way, you could be wasting your time texting him when you've already tried talking to him. If he knows you want to get to know him, then he should make an effort to make sure he's genuinely interested in you.

If he doesn't make an effort to communicate with you, especially after you've made an effort to communicate with him, then it's time to give up and move on.

For a man who makes the effort to get to know you and let you know that he's interested in you and your life, texting him makes a lot of sense. Texting him will keep the ball rolling between you and him and your relationship can develop further, be it a friendship or something more.

did you text him today

You want to text him, but there's a question you need to answer first. did you text him today

If the answer to this question is yes, then you should take a minute to think about whether you need to text him again. This depends on how your interactions with him were today.

Has he replied to your previous text messages? If the answer is yes, maybe you can text him one more time. This is especially true if you made an effort of your own to keep the conversation going.

On the other hand, if his replies to your previous messages were short, adding a word without anything, then he is busy or just not interested in talking to you.

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And if he hasn't replied to your messages today, then give him space and an opportunity to reply to you later, whether it takes a few hours or a few days.

Whatever you do, show that you care, but don't pursue it desperately either. If you've texted him today, then he already knows you're thinking of him.

Now it's his turn to answer. Don't keep piling your messages on him hoping he'll reply if you text him every few minutes. This type of behavior is overwhelming and will come across as needy.

Are you currently in a relationship?

You want to text your guy. For some reason you think about him and you want to get closer to him. Are you already in a relationship with him?

If the answer to this question is yes, then you must be wondering why you are not sure about texting him. Is he mad at you or hasn't he texted you lately? Or maybe it's just a new relationship and you don't yet know how to act towards him.

In such a situation, you may be wondering how to properly communicate with your partner. If you've already texted him, it's up to him to text you back.

Whether he's busy or upset, he'll text you in his free time when he's ready. All you can do is trust that he will contact you. And if he doesn't get back to you after hours or even days, then you have bigger problems to solve in your relationship.

If you're not in a relationship, it can be a lot harder to know if you should text him. You may not know if you are crossing the line by texting him and you may not know how he will react to you.

Is this guy an acquaintance or friend of yours? If it's just an acquaintance, it may seem unexpected that you're texting them. But if it's a friend, texting may be more expected of you.

Are you in a relationship recently?

When you're in a new relationship with a person, it's hard to know how to act around them. You have an idea of ​​what a relationship should be like, as well as an idea of ​​what that person might want or need from you.

You may be overcome by dizzying emotions that make you want to text him all the time. Maybe you just want to be with him all the time, and if you can't be with him all the time, it's best to text regularly.

This can happen early in the relationship when you're feeling like you're on your honeymoon. Just be careful not to send him long and excessive texts that seem too needy or desperate. Even if you are in a relationship, it is still new and people need their space.

If the relationship is new, try to take it easy, at least at first. This can give you both a chance to experience what kind of dynamics you have in your relationship.

Did anything interesting or funny remind you of him?

Do you want to text him because you just need to tell him something that will remind you of him? You might see something that makes you think of your special guy. And maybe you can't wait to tell him about it.

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In such a situation, texting him seems completely harmless. Just make sure there aren't 10 things a day that remind you of him. This could easily become overwhelming for him instead of being fun.

Just had a first date?

So you just went on a first date with him. Many people will advise you to wait a bit before texting him after your date. Some people will even tell you to wait for him to text you first.

In these modern times, you don't have to wait for him to text you first if you don't want to. You shouldn't feel awkward if you approach him first after your date. At the same time, try not to appear too eager for him in your text.

Instead of texting him right after the date, you can text him a few hours after the date or even the next day. You can keep your text simple by saying you enjoyed the date, or you can even reference a previous conversation you had during your date.

Whatever you do or tell him, try to remember that your text should be nice and simple. Also, try to avoid bombarding him with a ton of messages. Remember, you're not serious yet and you've only had one date.

is he an ex

If this guy is an ex of yours, then it makes sense that you might be unsure whether or not to text him. The answer to your question depends on how things went before between the two of you. Have you been in contact since then?

First, did things end well or badly with this guy? If the relationship ended badly, you need to consider why you want to talk to him.

Is the reason you want to text him because you want to try to get him back? If you want him back, you can tell him, but don't expect him to necessarily say he wants you back. If he's over you, you need to respect his feelings and move on.

What if you want to text your ex just to make him feel bad? If things went badly with him, then you may still have very bad feelings about the relationship and how it ended.

Texting your ex just for this reason might not make sense. Why bring up bad feelings with your ex again and risk getting angry again? Instead of stirring things up with him, try to rely on positive people in your life, like family and friends, for the support you need to get through this breakup.

Do you want to text your ex because you feel like you need closure? Do you have a few questions you could ask him about the relationship, or were you trying to figure out how things went wrong? If yes, feel free to write to him to ask him about it.

Just be prepared for the possibility that if he answers these questions for you, he might have some hard truths for you. Or he might ignore you or tell you he doesn't want to talk about it.

Whatever he says, remember to respect his feelings and his way of seeing things end. But after you've finished that conversation with him, allow yourself to close the book on that old chapter in your life and try to move on.

Do you need to ventilate?

Maybe you've had to let your feelings out lately and you've been wondering if you can take them out on this guy. The answer to that question depends on how well you know him.

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Have you only known him for a few weeks or for much longer? are you somehow close to him

If you barely know the guy, don't take it out on him. Reach out to your friends and family if you need to vent.

Did you quarrel with him?

If you recently had a fight with him, you might be wondering whether you should text him or not. Before you decide whether you should text him, examine the reason why you want to text him in the first place.

Do you want to text him to scold him, or do you want to text him to check on him and talk to him? If you're going to scold him, you better not text him right now.

What's the point of texting him if you're also angry and want to make him feel bad when he's already upset? It is better to give yourself and yourself time to calm down.

Give yourself some time and space to think a little before approaching him to talk and make up.

When you text her, it should be like trying to fix things rather than making them worse. Even if you express your own feelings, avoid attacking him.

Do you have a valid reason to text him?

Why do you want to text this guy? Is it because you have something you want to talk about, or do you just want an excuse to talk to him?

If you have a valid reason to text him, then it makes sense to text him. But if you text him for no reason, he'll find those random texts endearing or a little weird, depending on how well he knows you.

Be careful not to find excuses out of the blue to text him. This could mean that you have an unhealthy obsession with him.

does he know you that well Are you at least friends? If so, then he probably doesn't think it's that weird that you're texting him for no reason. If you're just acquaintances or he barely knows you, it might surprise him if he says "hello" or "what's up" out of the blue.

If you are interested in a relationship with him and decide to text him, pay attention to his reaction before you decide to text him more. If he answers you and tries to continue the conversation, it means he's interested in talking to you more.

But if his replies are short or he doesn't reply to your text at all, then he's probably not interested in talking to you right now. Try not to take it too personally, you don't know what's going on in your life right now.

An exception to texting a guy you just met is if you met him recently and decided to exchange numbers. Usually in this case there is some flirting and they both decide to give each other their phone numbers.

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In this situation, it wouldn't be uncommon for you to text him. If he gave you his number, he was probably hoping to talk to you anyway. If he doesn't text you back, he may have lost interest in you.


Figuring out whether or not you should text her takes some thought and a healthy dose of common sense. If you do decide to text him, whether that means being sober or not letting your emotions get the better of you, make sure you're in the right frame of mind.

Also, think of all the reasons not to text him. These are the situations that can lead to unnecessary drama. These are just a few situations when you might be wondering whether to text him or not.


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