Are you anxiously waiting while looking at the phone? NO.
For those in a hurry... Here's your "Should I text him?" flowchart:
Texting should flow as it is one of the forms of communication, and healthy communication should flow naturally and without coercion.
I'm not suggesting that you believe in or follow rules when it comes to interacting in your relationships with other people. It's okay to text him first.
When asked "Should I text him first or wait for him to text me?" It's about doing what you feel like doing - which I assume is texting him.
BUT there are exceptions! Of course, at the end of the day, it's your choice — you make the decision — but things can take a healthier turn if you take a moment and consider the "wrong" and the "right."
You should text him first when you're in the mood to text him, when he reciprocates and shows interest.
However, you shouldn't text him first if you're coming from a place of uncertainty and anxiety, if he's disinterested and hasn't responded in a while.
So, "Should I text him or wait for him to text me?" Let's clear that up!
Who is your "IS“?
So before you decide to text him first, it's good to understand and consider a few things. Let's see what they are, shall we?
is he your ex
Texting your ex after the breakup is usually not a good idea unless you're both friends and healed because it's been a while since the breakup.
You don't want to text him first: not because you want to be disrespectful or to satisfy your ego, because you're "telling him what it's like to be without you", on the contrary, you want to give both of you time to heal, and respect everyone's time.
If you don't plan on getting back together with him, or if you don't get along well, texting him might not be the best idea.
If he's your friend, text him first when things get reciprocated. Don't pay too much attention to who wrote first and who wrote last.
Text him when you feel like texting him, get rid of the "I'm the prize" mentality.
It's a relationship, it's about giving, taking, letting go of the ego, letting go of "I'm the most important thing" or the games to play, the ones that will eventually fade as the relationship begins to get more real.
write him queen! Why wouldn't you?!
is it someone you like
I've talked about letting go of mindsets that keep you from having fun and doing things you enjoy. In that case, drop the “I am the prize and should be hunted” (which you probably read on Reddit or saw on Tik Tok/Youtube) and just text him.
Maybe you just met him or you just got his number/social media, again drop the "I am the prize" and text him. If you want to get to know this person better or are just curious, text them.
You shouldn't text him first... When isn't the best time to text him first
If it comes from fear, insecurity, negative emotions, or negative thoughts about yourself, don't text him first.
Here's exactly when you shouldn't text him first:
1. After a termination
After a breakup, you both need your own time to heal and grow from the experiences you've had together. So it's not a good idea to text him after a breakup.
Try to respect the time it takes you and him to move on.
2. When you always text him first
Always texting him first means that you are the one who always initiates the messages and gets in touch with him. If you always text him first, then you should stop.
There's nothing wrong with initiating contact, it's not bad, but if he's not using/reciprocating the energy you're giving (which I think is a positive thing), then it might not be the best idea to continue to do what you do do.
You might want to wait a bit and see if he's showing interest, this time by texting you first, if he's asking questions that indicate someone genuinely cares.
3. When he let you in the reading
Especially if it's a question that he was able to answer but left you reading, then you shouldn't text him. Sending an SMS takes a) a few seconds and b) the person wanting to text.
If so, you would want to wait a bit, give him some time while you mind your own business, and do what you were doing before you met him.
4. When he ignores you after he's gone
There are reasons men ignore you after a date, whatever they may be, it doesn't matter that he doesn't make it clear to you - it's not a healthy sign.
Don't text him if he ignores you after you've left, especially if you've already tried to contact him.
You have a life, you have better things to do. He ignores you for whatever reason he has and he doesn't tell you. move on.
5. When you haven't heard from him in about a week
The big question: "If I don't hear from him in a week, should I text him?"
The big answer: no.
I'll explain why... I mentioned how easy it is for someone to text and what it takes to text.
In general, men who "disappear" for a week or more are usually uninterested or unsure/confused about what they want.
Don't text him first if he doesn't reply for days, weeks, or longer. Your lack of reaction is reaction enough for you to think about it.
6. When your motives are not genuine
Are you texting him because you really want to? Or because you need an ego boost? Whatever your reasons, if they're not real, don't text him.
Take some time to think about why you want to text him, if it's something naive then breathe out.
Think about what you can do to help yourself find healthy ways to get whatever you want from the guy (or if it's worth getting the things you're looking for).
7. If you are looking for confirmation
You shouldn't text him if you're looking for validation.
It's okay if you feel the need for validation, you're human and sometimes we can't help it, but how you choose to meet that need is very important.
Texting him to satisfy your need for validation may make you seem desperate or needy. Clarify your intentions, take a moment.
8. When you think if you don't text him, he won't text you either
Do you want to text him because you feel like he won't either if you don't? Don't text him. The reason? I'll show you with a story...
"I was already dating this guy who seemed mature and busy with life and life. To be honest, me too.
The text messages, of course, flowed as usual until they stopped. The texting started to wear off, so I texted him every now and then because I had a feeling that if I didn't, he wouldn't either. And sometimes I didn't feel like I just knew.
Now that it's been a while I realize I may have noticed some signs and I know that if he were that interested he would write too. I wouldn't worry about that, I would make sure everything was fine even if I hadn't texted him first.
You know, connection and stuff.
9. After an argument that made you feel awful
Should I text him first after an argument that made me feel awful? Short answer, no. Wait for him to text you.
Long answer, if you are emotionally attached to someone, an argument will negatively affect both of you. However, there are times when one hurts the other more by word or deed.
In this case, you need time to think because you will be overwhelmed by emotions and you may say something that you will regret later.
If he texts you to make sure you're okay, or better yet, to apologize, it's up to you to decide whether or not you want to reply.
10. When you are off duty
You shouldn't write to him when you're off duty. You took a break to get some distance from each other and to clear your thoughts about the relationship.
Use this space to reflect and, when you feel ready, to communicate your conclusions drawn from this space and distance.
Just wait and see. Wait like you're letting go, give him time, don't wait like you're anxiously waiting for the phone to ring and you'll see a message from him.
11. When he doesn't reciprocate
This is usually a sign of disinterest. Maybe you texted him once or twice at first and you can just feel it.He's not interested in texting, then just let go.
And then you think: Should I write to him again first?
I am a firm believer that love should be built upon: "I don't care how much I get, I give as much as I can!" But in this case, there's no use trying if someone isn't interested. Give him some time, don't text him.
12. When you're drunk
No, it's not a good idea to text him, even though I know how tempting it is.
Are you having fun (or not), are you feeling a little reckless and you're like, "holy shit if I die tomorrow?" and at that point it all makes sense until you wake up the next morning and realize you didn't actually die but sent him something "wrong".
It's fun, or at least a funny story to tell when you're old (if you don't die tomorrow like you thought last night), but in general it's not recommended.
How to ask a man out on a text message
Should I text him first? – Yes, here's why and when you should text him first
You are free, independent, confident: you have what it takes to text someone first. Now let's see why and when to do this!!
1. Text him first if you really feel like texting him - clean energy
No mind games, pure energy. If you feel like texting him and you really want to know how he's doing, do it!
Social constructs are one of the reasons why so much of the modern dating world is kind of muddled.
I'm talking about "A man should write first" or "A woman should be pursued - she is the price!" We've followed them for years without even questioning them. You are confused.
2. After a fight
Once you've calmed down and know you're thinking clearly, you won't be overwhelmed by the emotions and feelings caused by the fight... Text him if you want to text him - there's no reason not to .
if he loves you(or at least takes care of you), you would hurt him if you said anything in the heat of the moment. And if you love him too (or at least care about him), then hurting him would hurt you too.
When you want to apologize or just break the ice or let him know that something he said hurt your feelings. Do it, do it with a calm approach to the situation.
3. After a meeting - After the meeting
Of course, after a date, it's okay to text him first if that's itafter the first date, or right after I've known him for a while.
As long as you really feel like texting him because you enjoy talking to him or you have other serious reasons, there's nothing wrong with texting him first! You go!
Reminder: If you don't want to see him again after the first date, text him the next day and say "thank you."
Yes, send him a good morning text message!
Most people like to receive a good morning message, or at least something positive to start their day with. Since men are people too, he would also like to have a good morning message.
5. After your first call
Of course you can text him after your first call.
I know the feeling you get after a good first call and after a bad first call. It's good if you can tell him what you think about him.
Let him know that you enjoyed the conversation, but also let him know if you don't see that the two of you are right for each other to have something together.
6. After a few days
- Should I text him first if he hasn't written me yet?
- Even after a few days?
But only if he reciprocates. If he's not interested, there's no point in texting him.
If it's been a few days since he texted you, think about why you're considering texting him and whether your response is "because he's important to me and I want to know how he's doing" or " because I'm curious about what he's doing". been like this lately," text him to scream out loud!
How long should I wait before texting him first?
- Don't wait, write to him.If he texts you back when you're enjoying his presence via text message, don't wait. write to him
You can send him a good morning afternoon message, a song to remind him of him, a meme, anything you want to send.
- A week or more.If he hasn't answered for a while, then don't rush. Give yourself a week.
Use this week to clear your head and see if texting him really is a worthy decision.
– A month or more. When you practice non-contact, make sure you're doing it right. If you decide to go no contact for a month or so, wait until that period has passed before texting him first.
Make sure your "wait time" doesn't mark the days on the calendar. Live, do other things in the meantime. Don't let your time and energy depend on it.
Things to consider before, when and after you text him first
- Don't freak out if he doesn't respond right away.Give it space and don't jump to conclusions.
- Don't tell yourself that this is the last time you will write to him first. Whatever your reasons for doing it, just don't do it. I think it's really nice to feel free to communicate with anyone whatever you want.
If he doesn't mind returning the favor, then don't.
- If he doesn't answer anything.Don't panic and don't text him "again". If he wants or feels like replying or texting you, he will.
Resist texting him because you have bigger things going on in your life than waiting for him to reply.
–how much is too much Many would text him 4 times, 1-2 of those to ask if he got the messages.
It's good to make contact first, but don't be too insistent. Write him what you need and give him space and time to reply to your messages.
The "too much" is relative, but when it comes to texting and communication, we have a few common things that many of us consider "too much."
If you feel like ithe is not interested, Then let go. I know it's not as easy as I'm putting it here, but it's pretty much the healthiest way to go about it.
– Are you the one who always writes first?Well, in that case, it would be nice to back off a bit and see if he texts you.
Not because you want an ego boost, not because "he has to chase after you," but so you know if the interest is mutual.
If you're the one who always texts you first, give him space to text you too. Pay attention to how he reacts to your messages and ask yourself: is he interested?
– Finding balance is important.Consider striking a balance, and know that the answer to "Who should text first in a relationship?" or "Should you start texting a guy?" It is:
Anyone who wants to text can text as long as it's real. Texting is a form of communication and it flows naturally. That's it - that's the answer.
– Are your intentions real?Are you looking for validation or do you really care what he does?
It's simple: if you're not planning on texting him for confirmation and you really care, say, texting him, do it: text him first!
– Give him space to react.How to ask a question or whatever comes naturally to start a conversation. Whatever his motives, it is good to give him space and space to respond to what you have commanded him to do.
– Should I write to him or let him go?You should text him when the interest goes both ways and leave it when he says he's not interested, or you can see he's not interested like he texted you.
If you feel like ithe is interested tooand you enjoy the conversations with him, so what are you waiting for?
– How can I write to him without sounding needy? – About sounding needy…
First of all, you need to understand that you are not needy or asking too much if you text him first.
However, some styles of texting can convey that vibe: that you're needy, even when you're not.
Let's say you text him one time today and he's busy or something, and after a few hours you text him again and ask why he didn't reply or something, so even if you don't, this kind of Writing look up needy.
Message him what you need to send and give him his space. You have other things to do than stare at your phone and wait for his texts, right?
Is he waiting for me to text him first?
Generally,when a man writes to you every dayit is a sign of interest and care for you.
He's probably hoping you'll text him first ifhe likes youbut he's too shy to take action if he replies immediately when you text him or if you tell him straight out that you're not good at texting.
If you know and feel that his reasons for expecting you to text him first are genuine and not coming from some toxic place, then I see no reason not to text him.
FAQ - Should I text him first?
1. Who should write first?
Damn who wants SMS! The communication between you should focus more on whether it is genuine, sincere, clear, and honest, rather than who sends it first and how often it occurs.
2. Do guys get annoyed when you text him first?
No, actually a lot of men LOVE it when a woman texts them first; They consider it a sign of confidence, and we know that confidence is something men look for in a woman.
However, they will get irritated if you keep texting them without waiting for a response from them.
3. How often should you text a guy to keep him interested?
It's not about "keeping him interested".
Being interested in someone requires sympathy and energy between the two of you, and these are things that flow naturally, you can't force it. There is no "magic trick" that will get/keep your interest.
4. Should the guy always write first?
No, the guy shouldn't always text first unless he wants to. If you really think about it, why should the guy always be the first to text? Of course, the social constructs about who should write first.
5. Should I go after him?no contact“?
If the reason you started dating is so that it would benefit both of you to move forward in the relationship, then consider why you want to text him.
You don't necessarily need to message him after the no contact period is up if you don't want to message him and clarify what you left unresolved.
You shouldn't text him if No Contact hasn't taught you a lesson; if your thoughts about the relationship are still not clear. Take your time and don't text him unless your willingness to text him after No Contact is strongly supported by common sense.
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