Most of us enjoy the thrill of being someone's object of affection, being pursued by people who like us is great, right? The answer, of course, depends a lot on the person you're stalking. The downside of being attractive or just being a woman is that the attention we get isn't always filtered.
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Lots of people want the privilege of being with you, but most either come too late or aren't your type, leaving you with the onus of saying no. It may not be our favorite thing, buttelling someone you don't want to date is an integral part of the dating process.
If you find it hard to say no, that's okay, it's not just you. Between the desire to be unique, the fear of conflict, and our inherent need not to hurt others, most people do. In the post, the writer, therapist F. Diane Barth L.C.S.W., also notes that the word "no" can be particularly difficult for women, especially when men are involved.
Still, I believe that the need to be nice or to want to get along should never override what's best for you. With that said, here's how to let a person know you're not interested without necessarily being obnoxious.
7 Polite Ways to Tell Someone You're Not Interested
1. Consider the best way to inform them
So you've been on asome datesMaybe he's even been to his house and he's already been to yours, but you don't feel the vibe. So now you're wondering how to tell a guy you don't like him. First, you need to consider the feelings of the guy in question without doing anything to induce it.
So depending on how well you know this person, after some thought, the next thing to figure out is the best way to get the message across. Do you prefer to do this in person or over the phone? If the latter, will it be via email, text message, phone call, or a casual gif saying no?
Obviously, doing this over the phone is a more convenient option, as it avoids the stress of being face-to-face with the recipient and their feelings. It is also the only option if the relationship is long distance. The problem with this approach, however, is that the impersonal nature of the communication can make you come across as insensitive or rude.
On the other hand, doing it in person reduces the chances of it being misunderstood or something getting lost in translation. Also, he says you care enough to explain things to his face and is generally more respectful. There's a problem here too, though, not everyone takes rejection well, and if things go wrong after you tell them, you could have a situation on your hands. So weigh your pros and cons before proceeding.
2. Keep the conversation short
There are several versions of how to let someone know that you are not interested, but the most effective, for both parties, are situations where nothing takes too long. Once you've decided how best to get your message across, the next thing to do is keep the conversation short. At least that's how I would do it.
If you're going to do this over the phone, after the usual greetings and greetings, try not to stall too long before getting to the nitty-gritty. Likewise, if you are texting, get your message across in just a few lines. If they ask questions, answer as politely as possible and then tell them you need to go. The same goes for personal interactions.
However, some guys don't make it easy, they might even have a counter argument ready as to why you should date them. It's up to you to decide whether or not to indulge them, but be aware that leaving it like that for too long can send a mixed signal.
Furthermore, prolonging the conversation also makes it possible to be influenced by them. So if you know you don't want to date someone, keeping your interactions short is best for everyone.
3. Make your disinterest clear
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where someone thinks you're dating when you were just being nice? Yep, that's the kind of thing that happens when you take imprecision as a rejection issue. Sometimes the best way to empathize with that person is to hit the nail on the head.
You don't have to be rude to get your message across. It can even start with a compliment, as long as you both end up on the same page. Instead of saying, "I like you too, I'm just not sure I'm ready to date," try being more precise. He might interpret this as saying to wait, so something like "Thanks, but I'm not interested" will suffice.
I understand the people-pleasing concept, but what you need to understand is that hiding behind vagueness is just prolonging the inevitable. You'll cheat on them, eventually they'll get tired of waiting, and when they bring it up again, you'll either have to reject them again or become a reluctant partner in a relationship you don't want.
Either way, you'll find yourself in a more complicated and uncomfortable situation than you should.
4. Don't force a friendship
Most of my male friends first came to me as fans. This might be a manifestation of how I want to get along and not hurt anyone's feelings, but I'm sure a lot of women can relate. You tell people you're not on the same page, some of them get the message and walk away, others hear something like, "maybe I need a little push." Basically, they think they can stick around and change their mind, even though you've clearly said otherwise.
As much as boys hate being in thefriendzoneIn my opinion, many of them enter voluntarily hoping to be the exception: the one who leaves. What I'm getting at with this is that you don't have to force someone who has a crush on you to be friends just to ease their pain.
Eventually they will decide which one is more important to them, whether they should be with you as a friend or not. If the person in question is someone you're already friends with or think would be cool but don't want to date, you can leave that option on the table without forcing things.
Let them know that you hope your friendship will last, but also understand that they need time to process. And if that's not something they want, let it go.
5. Make an excuse
Here's another good old fashioned way that works; Come up with a convincing excuse that gets the undesirables off your back for good. The thing about this method though is that it can take a lot of mental work if you're not natural at it. Just in case, it's worth looking for a general excuse rather than a specific one that might trap you in a lie.
If it's a stranger or someone who is at least far enough out of your circle to not know otherwise, then you could say that you have a crush on someone else or you're just too busy to date. Again, I would like to say that being nice should not take precedence over doing what is right (for you). But if giving a false explanation is what suits you, I say do it.
ChemicalIt's another great justification for rejecting someone, as it's not something you can force. This wouldn't work to turn on a guy you've just met, but it might work if you've already dated him a few times. Please tell them you are not sorry. It's just an excuse if it's not true, right?
6. Tell the truth
As the saying goes, the truth will set you free. The truth doesn't require you to form an outlandish lie; nor does it push you into a relationship you don't want. It might be a small blow to the person's ego, but that's something you can fix by infusing a little kindness into your tone.
On a more serious note, if you don't want to date someone, you must have your reasons, right? Superficial or not, your reasons are yours and they are valid. So instead of fantasizing about why you don't want to hurt them, just telling them that is always an option.
Either way, that doesn't make it okay to be mean to people in the name of honesty. If you know that 'why' in its raw form is going to be a bad thing to say to someone, refine or sweeten it a little. And if refining it is too much work, you can always opt for a straightforward "thanks but no thanks".
7. Just say no and get it over with.
Ego massaging everyone who takes a romantic interest in you is tedious and unnecessary. This may come as a surprise, but you don't owe your suitors an explanation. Some people don't know how to hint, you could spend all day dancing around your answer, but they wouldn't understand until they heard the word.
There are those who do it on purpose, hoping to take advantage of your kindness, but some do it anyway. In any case, just say “no”, because the truth will set you free. Period "No, I'm not interested". However, I have to say that this only works as well as it should whenyour actions match the word.
We live in a world where women have to tell grown men "no it's no", not to try harder, I won't think about it, just don't. In an ideal situation, it doesn't need to come with any extra assertiveness or aggressiveness, just saying it plainly should be enough, but you and I both know our world is far from ideal.
To eliminate every ounce of "what if" and "maybe" whenreject an admirerthis way you don't send mixed signals later. Don't flirt with them, tell them like it is and keep it moving. Will some people insist even after that? Absolutely. But whatever they get after that is up to them, not you.
common questions
How do you politely reject someone?
let the person know youappreciate your attentionbut that's not what you want. For clarity, you could give a brief explanation of why it's not there without dwelling on it too much, but you don't have to if you don't want to.
How do you tell someone you're not interested after cheating on them?
Decide whether it's best to speak in person or over the phone, and prepare what you're going to say before the conversation. Something like "not feeling any connection no matter how hard you try".continue the conversationbrief and stop fooling them after that.
How do you tell someone you're not interested in online dating?
One of the great things about online dating is that you don't have to respond to someone if you don't like them. But if you feel compelled to respond anyway, take a simple but direct approach like "thanks for your interest, but I'mnot interested." Then keep scrolling.
How do you reject someone without ghosts?
Think about why you are rejecting the person and what is the best way forward, then tell them. If he helps you, put yourself in his shoes and do as you would like to be rejected. If it's too much to do in person, you can let them know over the phone. Regardless of how you choose to convey the message, be sure to express yourdisinterestclearly.
How to reject someone without hurting them?
Rejection hurts no matter how you phrase it, but you can soften it with a brief explanation of why it can't work. Compliments are also known to take the sting out ofstrange conversations, then you might say, "You seem like a great person, but I just don't see you in that light."
the bottom line
The best way to let a person know you're not there is to let them know. Nobody likes to be rejected, it's going to suck no matter how you say it, but a little kindness can help them get over it faster. As always, I appreciate your feedback, please leave a comment and share the post if it's not too much trouble.
Olivia Surtees
After realizing that I was the person everyone around me kept coming to for dating advice, I decided to merge that skill with my profession: writing. So I became a relationship advice writer! Being able to showcase not only my passion for writing but also my passion for helping others in their relationships means a lot to me and I look forward to continuing to do so. Studying the vast and complicated world of relationships appeals to me, and I constantly strive to learn more so that I can help others with more knowledge and experience.
Read the full biography